The world cup fever rages on, even after the climax. Amongst the overwhelming and still craving-for-more tidbits about anything remotely related to world cup, a photo of a well-kept locker room caught my attention. The room was immaculately clean, linen neatly folded and piled up and nothing had left its intended place. The purpose of reporting it was the condition of the room after the Japanese team had left it after the completion of their professional commitment. Japanese people are inherently fastidious about cleanliness and order. Chinese are work maniacs, Germans are focused and goal oriented, French celebrate life with their love for art and fashion. What defines us? My brain was initiating a drive of prolonged suspension to dig up an answer when a loud thud abruptly stopped the exhaustive romance between my prefrontal cortex and temporal lobe and the distractive neurons had given it an urgent assignment to assess the source of the noise. A young biker, taking a sharp turn on the blind corner near my house had forgotten to slow down and struck a hand cart of vegetable vendor who had just started the musical advertisement of his inventory. The biker lost his balance but quickly recovered, aware of the consequences while the vendor was busy assessing the damage to his cart and vegetables. He sped through the grocery fallen from the cart. Uncompensated and without reparations, the vendor decided to put those smashed vegetables to good use without wasting time on abuses. He hurled them one at a time, aiming for the back of fleeing biker. A tomato landed nicely on the boy’s head with its innards dripping down his neck and another brinjal found the middle of his back, embellishing his dark shirt for a starry effect. It was a draw.
The tussle was entertaining and it enlightened me with my answer. Fearless. Yes, we are so fearless.
The fearlessness is universal. Having stayed in multiple cities in India, people across seem to be in a race to outdo each other, figuratively and literally. There are multiple manifestations of this rare virtue.
The defiant Street Hawk
We hang out in a mall doing nothing for hours together, scroll through our phones watching random silliness for eternity but time turns into a precious commodity as soon as we spot a red signal. In India, red is a suggestion, not a rule. Yellow is the license to accelerate full throttle and green is to wait out the cross traffic still moving after its red. So, the ‘stop’ and ‘go’ is a telepathic synchronized improvisation of the people on the road at that very moment. The traffic lights change for their own fun. In a particular city, the signals had timers installed with countdown for change of signals. The timers not only informed the people of the next change, they also offered an opportunity to switch off the engines. But to no avail. Doing that robs them of the opportunity to sneak through the red light and seek some adventure from the daily drudgery of their life. Such is their mastery over this art of sneaking in, I have never witnessed a biker clashing with a vehicle coming through a green signal. Watching these slippery bikers tempts me sometimes to become like my childhood hero who drove through the streets recklessly (of course without collisions) to catch criminals, The man…. the machine…. Street Hawk …only if someone took care of the small issue of cameras installed.
That the cameras have not deterred these violators leads us to two probable conclusions. Either the cameras aren’t catching all of them (low probability) or the recovery of dues through challans is not rigorous enough. But then, who fears a traffic fine when one doesn’t fear death. I have read snippets of people abroad waiting at completely deserted squares for the green signal. In India, we wait for the opportunity to break them at first instance. India is for Indians only.
The rat race
A two lane road can easily accommodate two cars, three bikes and a self-assured cyclist. Squeeze in a cow too for good measure. Bikers create gaps which never existed. Lane markings are mere decorations on an otherwise dreary road. I enter this race unwillingly on the arterial main road daily where collective survival is the goal of all competitors. After I get off the main road on way back in the evening, the race occasionally gets more thrilling. The interior road has potholes of varied geometric shapes, speed breakers every 50 meters and stray dogs who decide to join the party. Now, I have to dodge the potholes, speed up the bike to avoid the rampaging dogs who are radar locked-on to my legs and balance myself on the cute speed breaker. The dopamine surge I get after reaching home safely can never make me substitute the bike for a car.
We do not have traffic here. India is a ‘real time, live multi-player driving simulator’ to hone your skills.
The cakewalk
The sidewalks(footpath) were designed for the pedestrians to walk safely without any hindrance or anxiety. In India, sidewalks are designed for hawkers and grocery vendors. Now, they too have competition. The sidewalks accommodate two-wheelers for safe and expedetious drive when the traffic gets overbearing. A fast, easy way out from the patient chaos unfolding besides. Somedays back, I purchased some grocery and was walking back when someone honked from behind. Of course, it was some secret agent on an urgent mission running an important errand, shooing me off the footpath. I meekly complied. I admired his courage. To drive on a sidewalk and drive away its rightful owner confidently requires courage……or shamelessness soaked in complete decay of road etiquettes. After few days of waiting in the incessant traffic, I thought of mastering this new skill. Initially, I found it difficult but after few trips it was a cakewalk. Now, I need to take it up a notch. The bikers come in the wrong direction on the sidewalk too. Really! at least keep the sidewalks out of this. Now, I have to worry about the hawkers on the left side and the incoming bikes on the right side. I can drive through a crowded sidewalk without brushing either side. India is a land of unearthing unique skills, never ever thought of by rest of the humanity.
Right is never wrong
I saw a reel couple of days back of an SUV driving over a flyover bridge in Delhi. The flyover, to make it obvious, had separate lanes for incoming and outgoing traffic, with a clear gap of few feet between the parapet walls of these hanging lanes. The SUV was confidently driven in opposite direction on the right lane dodging the traffic coming its way! Eventually the driver’s mojo gave away in front of the intense incoming traffic and everything on that lane grinded to a complete halt.
A road several feet above the ground faced a jam because of an incoming vehicle. So often, I have seen cars, once even a bus, taking wrong path or a turn just to avoid a circuitous U turn further ahead. Here roads are for everybody; ruminating cows, sleeping dogs, vehicles driving straight at you, hand carts, poking street side shops and what not. All these after we have accounted for the parked vehicles on the road, dug up roads and potholes embedded permanently in them.
Majority of the Indian population commuting on their own goes through this ordeal daily and make it to their home back in the evening. We are used to this chaos. As someone who has an overthinking, wandering mind I aim to be razor sharp on the road to outmatch this daily tussle. After all, I am an Indian. I am fearless.