Illusions – Shibashish Sahoo :MBA 2021

Wandering off the lonely streets of this strange city; this life seems too dark sometimes, so dark that now I fear to fall off my steps.

Maybe my decision was not right about what I preferred but whatsoever it is, I guess I am liking it. Life is full of excitements and surprises, and the elements inside it are completely elusive even though we are the one living it. Chasing the mirage sometimes sounds work of a nincompoop, but sometimes we should always let go of the emotions carried. What do I mean by that? Our pain has a better identity than us. Maybe we live in a world of mirrors where we see our scarred faces every day but still, we ignore the fact of mending it.

A simple world of ILLUSIONS.

There are always two sides to everything; Good & Evil. However, there is always one side to the choice we make to let something happen. There are many things out in the world, which subdues our acts, but we do it our way. We are twenty-somethings person, keen to share our acute observations with this not-so-keen-to-listen kind of world. A world where the wealthier comments and the poor abides. No matter how tough life has been to me, I have emerged as a tougher version of myself.

It is hard to find a connection right. The arguments we always fall into make us portray the ugly side of us. Even the mirror asks us the questions, something that affects our demeanor towards reality. What is real and what is fake? Anybody might question. The perfect answer is not portraying the way others want us to see. Sometimes things can be harsh and it is difficult to face down ourselves walking that isle of madness.

Ever imagined why is life?

There is never a perfect answer for a simple question of “why”. It is as if you are up to many things but you give up quite soon because you fear of failure, fear of getting lost at the end. Circumstances are yet to come, and we yet to suffer. Depends on the soul that how deep he takes the chance to let himself out of the box and perform.

“I always love the thorny road with rusty leaves; they always give an example of what life and element of surprise mean.” 

Walking through that street of life, wet roads, dim streetlight, and cloudy cold weather; I was all alone. I WAS. She came in like a wind, flowing past through me. It had that aroma to revive all my pain. It had that chill to make me shiver, making me feel the presence. There was a spark. I never wanted myself to let go of her because I cannot live through the void created by her absence. It sounds so funny when we both turn speechless looking in each other’s eyes and try to talk about that phase of life. I remember saying to her, “All this may be new for you, I just cannot remember those three years I suffered”

The very definition of illusion stands for a false idea, belief or an impression. To be honest, my life was faking me, regardless of all the situations it has tried to put me and made me suffer. Moreover, about the belief, I have not given up yet. The search for one true partner continues, who shall have that courage to unfold the crumpled pages of my life. However, my first impression is that she does not exist.

We all live somewhat in a mirage, always waiting for something to happen; whenever we are a little strangled in any situation. Everybody has a past and everyone claims it to be worse than the other person. Mine, I have a beautiful scary one. Like as if I am glaring the full moon from a cliff. Up close and personal such that it hypnotizes me, yet that cliff lies in a graveyard of all the souls I have hurt. There is this point of realization when one of us thinks that someone else might be better suited for us. Well, that is an illusion because that is when you should realize, that in search of somebody better, you will never get anybody. Because that search will simply never end.

However, how would we ever know this is the best of all the worlds I can ever get?

Nevertheless, guess what, we will just never know. In this limitless world of emotions, drama, criticism, and living up to society, we will just never be able to know what is good or bad. Well, every choice is difficult. Trying to make the best out of what we have is exactly what everything is about. Still, we live in an illusion of having the perfect life of somebody else.

“Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to ”   

Whenever we meet somebody we like, we use these common reference points of what all we like about everything. Simply saying, our perception regarding those little things we love. The other person gets it. Moreover, that is exactly where the game of illusion begins making us feel as if he/she is the one for us. Then we would never be able to return to the stage of our minds where once we decided to never give an opportunity ever to somebody, making them capable to hurt us. The result, we are the very reason for all the pain and sufferings.

It is a little weird though but the very need of pain itself is that it demands to be felt.

It is better to say something uncomfortable that is bothering us than to not say it at all. Because the more harshness one goes through, the more comfortable he starts feeling. But why commit a blunder even after a happy realization status over WhatsApp or Instagram story? Because we always get a feeling that we are somewhat forgetting ourselves. Moreover, as committing blunder is easy, it is easier to come back to familiar places because those places help you remember who you are. We just can never move out of our past. It is like being connected to a time loop where one-step in present has tiny contributions from our dark past. We know we should not but we take ourselves for granted.

A friend suggested me to serving myself on a plate for others to exploit. 

Awesome lines it was. However, the feeling of filling the void made by our circumstances of emotion makes us do that always. It is difficult to choose something because we always have this perennial option of being nothing. Somewhat making us feel happier the way we are. Nevertheless, the absence of that one individual will never allow us to be happy. Good or bad, it is that illusion which we all are addicted to. And that addiction will always compel us to make a move.

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